Because Too Much Terry’s Chocolate Orange Makes Me Feel Sicky

Well as far as I am concerned, 2009 is pretty much over. Since most of my xmas shopping is complete (huzzah!!), there’s not that much to do until the 25th. And between then and Hogmanay, all there is to do is feel guilty for stuffing our faces and wishing we could be arsed to go to the gym. We never can. Plus the gym makes me sweaty. Eww. Truly a horrific experience for all of us.

So let us look back (very, very briefly) and see how 2009 was: *looks*…….

Well it was a bit shite, come to think of it.  Boring when not stressful, and being jobless, terrible financial situations left, right and centre and what appears to be an overall increase in Ya’s, it seems 2009 is another year for the cynic that takes over me to start complaining without stopping (and with plenty reason).

Dabbling in the Arts (uh, the creativity not the magic) for a brief few months, struggling with decisions about what to do next year, Jobseeker’s Allowance bullshit shenanigans (I hate them I hate them I hate them!!!), trying to find a job to no avail, having to start worrying about health, money and future and general living expenses and finally, falling on my arse in the middle of a crowded street – sums up My Year.

However, of course there was good stuff too …. celebrating the big ol’ 1 Year Anniversary and recently, the 18-month mark with Boyfriend, discovering I kind of like bourbon (I TOLD you I was frigging old…well, I didn’t, but everyone knows I am at heart), Pant’s Fest, Elspeth coming home (and seeing Jonny, Minnie and Adam too), meeting up with friends after they’ve been living in Glasgow, getting close with people I lost touch with, living in my own place and actually getting on with certain family members instead of arguing, discovering the music of awesome people (Kudos to cousin Gemma for that!), being Bridesmaid at my second cousin’s wedding, turning 18 (FINALLY), having awesome fun in Dornoch and strangely, North Berwick, buying an IPig and getting an XBOX360 with Beautiful Katamari….. there were so many fun things too. I suppose in the end they outweigh all the lameness.

Still, we all know what a grumpy old bastard I like to be. I can’t help it, I really can’t. But I’m going to hold back today because I’m in a good mood. Also, Ewan and Callum fixed the shower yesterday so the water got a little hotter for me this morning. yay :)

I have also made a decision (rare for the indecisive moi): I am eating healthier. If we don’t buy snacks, we don’t HAVE snacks: thus I will not crave the damn things. Until THAT time again *cough*, but until then, it’s salads and healthy things as much as possible. The odd bit of chocolate is fine, the odd bag of crisps, but on the whole, I am trying to cut down. Plus, you know what? I fucking LOVE salad. It’s weird. I just totally enjoy it. Especially when you add a drizzley of honey mustard dressing to it or something. Numnumnum. So I’m throwing myself enthusiastically into this wee resolution – no, not a new year’s resolution, for they are made only for the purpose of breaking. I’m making a realistic goal, and so far I think I’ve been doing good. I’ve started cutting out all the diet coke I’ve been drinking in huge quantities – started with mostly caffeine-free and cutting down the drinking of it. And since I walk more anyway I’m hoping that will make me healthier. Which means I’ll have more energy and not be such a grouch all the time *climbs out of trashcan*.

But fuck it, bring on the meat and mincepies this christmas because I’m SO not holding back then. But still – what’s one day of pigging out, right? Right???!

Ooh, meat. Mmmm. Glad I stopped being veggie a few months ago. It’s all Jonny’s fault! Heh, heh heh.

Because Reheated Chinese Food is Actually Pretty Horrific When You See it Under the Light of Day

Dear Random Internet User who has unwittingly stumbled on this page after typing something to do with “internet hate machine”…

This is not the page you are looking for. This is a random bloggy blog written by a bored 20 year-old. It is full of in-jokes, irrelevant stories and episodes that only people who know me will really care about.  By all means stick around, but you’ll most likely be confused.

Anywho! Now that I’ve put in a small disclaimer, carry on. Here was the blog that really belonged here. Except I’ve cut out most of the fem-rant because it’s been so long since I posted it and also, being mad at the time, it didn’t make a terrible about of sense.

p.s. uninvited automated spam thingies, advertising in the comments while pretending to be a real person doesn’t work. Also… stop advertising weight loss things! It’s like you guys are trying to tell me something… *cries hysterically*

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I should not be allowed on the internet.

I have this huge problem with everything on it. Twitter can go and fuck off, seriously, I don’t care about people making cups of tea (um, no offense if you use it, it ain’t personal). Facebook is student-y (the worst kind of anything) and full of Ya’s posting pictures of their 80-’s-night escapades from the previous evening. Youtube has the distinction of having so much more trolling and junk that it certainly outnumbers the actual valid opinions and/or nice words concerning the videos themselves. Every website you go to download things pretends to be free, then asks how you’re paying after it asks for your email address. Junk mail is sent by the ton to your email account, and pop-ups and lame adverts dot around all over the screen. To top it all, cynical, grumpy people like me have to complain about it all the time while dodging viruses and deleting emails from the mysterious “John”, who keeps insisting on trying to sell you viagra.

The Mysterious "John"..?

Despite this lameness however, there’s also countless awesome stuff you can do of course – one of my favourites include checking out the blogs or articles of my sisters or friends, or interesting feminist opinions from feministing.com or thefword.org.uk. But it is the freedom of speech and sharing of views that is also a problem: because morons who know nothing about a subject can write any old shit about it and post it on the ol’ virtual noticeboard.

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And here ends the rant. Wasn’t that exciting, children? More exciting than chomping your way through that beef jerky with grandma’s dentures, that’s for sure. Let us congratulate “Anglobitch” for providing clear evidence of moronic sweeping generalisations, not bothering to research and general uninformed blogs of douchebaggery.

And as I said before, let us continue smooshing the patriarchy.